Wednesday, 27 July 2011

Look at this F*cking Hipster, Or, Where Did All the Emo Kids Go?

My sister and I were having a conversation about how there seems to be a lack of emo kids and goth kids hanging around today. We were sitting and chatting and finally figured out where they all went. Thus a theory was born.

The punk kids from the 1980's gave way to the goth kids of the 1990's. The goth kids morphed into the emo kids of the early 2000s, who grew up to become hipsters. Fucking hipsters. Hipsters who gave up their teenage angst ridden music, black hair, and excessive facial piercings to instead sit in divey bars, like the Strat, drinking gross beer, wearing horn rimmed glasses, excessive amounts of flannel, or cowboy shirts (bollero optional), skinny pants (denim or otherwise) and now listen to bands that probably don't even exist(but if a band is playing the Starlight Room, they'll be there...because you know, bands that play the Starlight Room are obviously not big enough for other people to have heard them, case in point: Sum 41 at the Starlight Room, August 18, one has ever heard of Sum 41), all in the name of non-conformity and irony.

The one thing that hipsters fail to realize is that everyone is a hipster in some form or another. They will sit and talk about philosophers and poets spewing their sanctimonious bullshit, trying to sound more impressive than their hipster friends. They quote Goethe and Heidegger, Kerouac and Salinger, all the while having no idea what any of it means. They like to talk about obscure artists using multi-syllabic phrases that are meant to show that they are avant garde, when really, they have no idea, nor do they care, who they are or what they stand for. But in reality, it's all bullshit. They know next to nothing about anything, besides their former teenage angst, which they now shudder to remember, mostly because they realize that in an attempt at non-conformity they were actually fitting in.

In conclusion, this post is to remind hipsters, that no matter how individual you try to dress, or how ironic you try to be, you are really just like everyone else. Like every other hipster, emo, goth, or punk kid who came before you.


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