Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Undomestic Goddess Part II, Or, Why I Really Want to Learn How to Use Electric Hedge Trimmers

In my house there are 2 people who do all the yard work. My mum and my dad. My mum takes care of all the flowers and trees, planting and pruning things to get the yard looking just so. She does a pretty bang up job of it too. I don't know how she does it, but she always knows exactly what will look good in any given spot, and exactly what flowers will bring the most colour to our yard. I think it's quite the art if you ask me. She always has beautiful planters full of pretty flowers at our front door and in front of our garage that greet me when I pull into the driveway and walk up the front steps of my house.

My dad on the other hand, takes care of everything else. He makes sure everything is maintained. He is especially fond of his grass. My sister and I always tease him that he loves his grass in the summer, more than he loves us. He spends hours upon hours outside, making sure that our lawn is perfectly manicured. I am not kidding. The grass at our house is like carpet. Lush, green carpet. Because of his obsessive need to keep the lawn looking perfect (perhaps his OCD is where I get my OCD), no one, other than him, is allowed to mow the lawn. I am actually surprised that he has not yet placed a "Please Keep Off the Grass" sign on our lawn.

A result of both my parents doing any and all yard work, and the fact that I don't typically leave the house because I am allergic to basically everything in nature, is that I have no clue how to do yard work. But, that doesn't mean that I am opposed to learning. I am more than willing to drug myself up on massive doses of antihistamines to learn. It might sound surprising, but this urge to learn how to do yard work mainly centres around the tools. I can say in all honesty that I want to do yark work, mostly because I think it would be so awesome to use an electric hedge trimmer. Seriously, that thing looks so badass! They look like a cross between a narwhal, alligator, and a Transformer (Autobot, not Decepticon)! The mere thought of getting to play with one of those bad boys is dizzying, and fills me with delusions of grandeur about being the best gardener in the history of ever! However, I don't think I will get to fulfill my dream of going on a nature rampage with electric hedge trimmers any time soon, because most people tend to not trust me with sharp objects that have the potential to do bodily harm to myself and other people. I can be a bit (or a lot, depending on who you talk to) distracted sometimes, and I have a feeling that the reason why I was never required to work in the yard in my youth is because my parents (perhaps wisely) felt that I would hurt myself, or strangers, and also probably because they didn't want their yard to look like crap. Don't even get me started on how I would love to use one of those riding mowers! But that's mostly because I would want to race it. To me, they look like power-wheels for adults!

You can bet your bottom dollar that when I have my own yard, I will most definitely fulfill my dream of using electric hedge trimmers. Maybe I'll sculpt a topiary in the shape of a unicorn! That would be sweet!


No comments:

Post a Comment