Monday, 1 August 2011

Fact: Watching Criminal Minds Before Bed is a Bad Life Choice

So, last night, while waiting for the new episode of True Blood to hit the interweb, I decided that it would be a good idea to watch Criminal Minds before bed. Not a good life choice. As someone with an already over active imagination, I should have known that watching a show about sociopathic, homicidal maniac serial killers (and yes, I realize that is rather redundant statment) would only serve to fuel the imaginative flames that is my mind. Instead of being able to crawl into my giant bed, covered in blue ruffles, and snuggle down into my blankets and float blissfully off to sleep, to dream of shoes, and polka dots and pretty things and puppy dogs, I obsessively checked, and then double checked all the doors and windows of my house, opened my closet no less than 3 times along with the furnace room to see if there were any killers lurking in the shadows. I then proceeded to toss and turn waiting for sleep, and when I was finally able to drift off into blissful slumber, I was awakened by every sound and shift and creek that my house made. The air conditioning came on and in my screwed up, paranoid little mind, it was an arsonist setting fire to my house, which is a tinderbox filled with furniture and other things that are highly flammable. Not only was I not smart in watching Criminal before beds, but I watched several. All excellent, yet bad at the exact same time. Bad because it kept me awake. The last one i watched was about this rather prolific serial killer who was killing in LA during rolling blackouts, and he would always leave one person alive. Seriously, first of all, it was like the Night Stalker all over again, second, it makes me think that LA is NOT a good place, and third, if I was worried about being murdered in my bed, this was not a good episode to watch.

What makes matter worse is the creepy music. It always get stuck in my head and makes me anxious. It's always some kind of creepy piano chord, or a heavy bass line of some kind that conveys the message that everything is not okay. As soon as you hear music like that, you know, something bad is going to happen like someone dies. A horrible, bloody, terrible death. Which then fills me with fodder for my nightmares and subsequent sleepless night. One of the only things that makes Criminal Minds less scary and anxiety filled for me is that my celebrity crush is on the show. Matthew Gray Gubbler. Cute in a nerdy way, plus his character on the show is a genius with an eidetic memory. Smart is attractive.

A word to the wise: if you have a ridiculously overactive imagination, and are prone to bits of paranoia as a result of aforementioned overactive imagination, don't watch Criminal Minds before bed. It's a poor life choice, that will leave you tired, and with dark, puffy circles under your eyes.



  1. As one of your kindred, who is also saddled with the burden of an aggressively hyperactive imagination, I feel your pain.

    Although, my torment is of a different flavor. I'm never left feeling anxious after horrors or dramas of a terrestrial nature. I think this has to do with a subtle masculine arrogance, which naively allows me to feel that I can handle anyone or anything if required. My torment comes from the supernatural. The more illogical, the more traumatized it makes me!

    I carry the burden of eerie imagery and scenery with me for years! Movies like "The Grudge" and "Paranormal Activity" literally make me a worse person. Just the image of a disfigured little girl stumbling out of a well from "The Ring" still haunts me as if I'm about to see her coming around a corner. AND THAT WAS JUST FROM WATCHING THE COMMERCIAL!

  2. Rish,

    Subtle masculine arrogance indeed! Oh how you make me laugh!