Normally I wouldn't be bothered by the workload I have from school. Normally it would actually be quite easy for me to juggle, but this year seems different. This year, on top of full time studies, I work, and volunteer, and I am taking an LSAT prep course for the entire month of September. Basically, every single minute, of every single day from now until October 1 (the day I write the LSAT) is mapped out. I have even had to schedule when I am going to sleep. September has barely started and already I am exhausted. So, on top of my LSAT class, homework from said class, all my homework and readings from school, working, and volunteering I have no time. Normally I hit the ground running. Nothing is too daunting. If you know me, I am a tiny person with a big personality. Nothing gets me down, however, I am feeling ever so slightly pressured and I can feel the stress mounting...it's kind of sad because today was the first day of classes, and already I can feel the tension in my shoulders. Perhaps this is just me whining about all the work I have to do, and I most certainly am not looking for sympathy or validation of any kind. I am merely questioning if I have bitten off more than I can chew. I am questioning whether it is humanly possible for me to do all the things that I need to do, and have promised to do, without having a major breakdown (I usually have one breakdown a semester, where I am plagued with doubts about my intelligence and academic capabilities). I used to be able to do it all, without hesitation, running myself ragged for fear of disappointing other people, and then I got cancer. Getting sick was probably the best and the worst thing that has ever happened to me. From it I learned to say no. But here's the problem. I can't say no to myself. I have no problem now telling other people no, but when it comes to telling myself no, I have a really hard time. I am always convincing myself to read just one more chapter, or do one more logic game. How long can I keep it up. Perhaps it's just the day, but I kind of feel like I am treading water, and eventually I will have to decided to keep going, and keep my head above the water, or to just give up...
Sorry for the melancholy. Rest assured that my next post (maybe about first year university students) will have a significantly higher level of levity.