Friday, 23 September 2011

I'm Almost Not Crazy...

The gloves are off. I'm in a fighting mood. Don't worry, I'll keep my tiny fists of fury to myself, and rather force my rage into doing something constructive. It's official, well sort of, as nothing actually legal has been done, but, I have changed my name to Shambles, and I have become a hermit, but not the kind that takes vows of silence...I couldn't do that, seeing as how I would fail from all the internal dialogue that goes on in my head that inevitably spills out of my mouth, often times sans filter (it's a good thing I have tiny feet because more often than not, my foot ends up in my mouth...figuratively of course), and also not the kind that gives up all their worldly possessions, as I have far too many books (I now have my very own copy of Poverty and Policy in Tudor & Stuart England...I am very excited about this) and pretty clothes and shoes to give up (I have attachment issues, don't judge me)...plus, I get anxious when things are too quiet. I think by hermit I mean that I am going to sequester myself at home, all weekend, leaving only to attend my LSAT class, in order to study for what is quite possibly the biggest test of my life. This will be the culmination of months of study and hard work. Many tears were shed, and my sanity is now questionable (it was always questionable, but even more so now). I think I am starting to freak out, just a little. Maybe I should try some calming breathing techniques, or meditation, or...or...take up baking? Who am I kidding. We all know that I don't cook, and the day that I step foot in the kitchen to make something that turns out at least semi-edible, is the day that hell freezes over, and I am made Empress of Russia (it would be like the Miss Universe only less pagent-y and better). Also, for anyone who does know me, I am the least calm person out there, and no amount of breathing exercises, or mediation will change that, as I am usually the asshole who ends up laughing and/or falling over from whatever weird yoga position I am supposed to be in (although, I seem to do okay in Pilates).

I have just made an executive decision. As soon as this is over, I am sleeping for 2 days straight and then I may go shopping to fill the what will then be empty void, and to try and stave off all the emotions I have (rather unsuccessfully) been trying to keep at bay. I think something pretty and shiny, that comes in a robin's egg blue box is in order to add to my collection. This whole LSAT thing may just lead me to drink, something I rarely do. Someone needs to be waiting for me, at my house, with a cocktail in hand after my exam. FYI, the pinker and sweeter the drink, the better. Just saying...

xoxo
Leah

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