Friday, 28 October 2011

Happy Cancerversary to Me!

Two years. Two years ago today, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It seems like forever ago, and yesterday at the exact same time. It's a very strange feeling. My life is completely, 100% different than what it was, and what I thought it would be, but you know what? I wouldn't change a single thing. If I had the chance to go back and to change things, I wouldn't. I would let things happen the exact same way that they did. I remember this day so clearly. It was, and is still the worst day of my life, but it's also a good day (at least now) at the same time. I remember what I wore (Seven for All Mankind jeans, a flannel shirt from Aritzia, my flowered mocassins), what I talked about with my surgeon  when she was doing my biopsy (our mutual love of Muse), the quilt on the wall at the Cross when I was told. I remember my best friend crying, and feeling too numb to think clearly. I remember that my sister was my saving grace that day. I remember crying at the thought that I had to leave school. I remember having to tell my parents. I remember sitting on the couch, watching bad TV with my sister and feeling sorry for myself. I remember all the uncertainty and tests and surgeries. Despite all these bad memories, I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't change it because of what I learned about myself, my friends and my family. The lessons that I learned are probably the most valuable things that I have been given. I have been given a second chance to be a better person. Cancer does not define who I am, but it has become a part of who I am.

People are always kind of confused as to why I chose to celebrate this day. I know a lot of people who would rather forget, and I know that there are people out there who disagree with me and think that I shouldn't celebrate. But I celebrate because it's a way for me to take away from the bad and sadness that this day represents. It's a way for me to be thankful that I had the team of people that I had around me. I have to celebrate it. If I didn't I know for an absolute fact that I would be angry and sad, and I just see that as being so counterproductive to everything. There is no point in being angry and upset about something that is in the past. History has taught me that. You can try to understand it, but at the end of the day, you have to take each day for what it is and was, and keep moving forward.

So, I choose to celebrate this day, and yes, I understand that it's weird. But hey, I'm a weird person. So I am going to go and get a cupcake with pink icing and celebrate my two year cancerversary!



xoxo
Leah

2 comments:

  1. You are right to celebrate, after all, you are a survivor and may every other survivor celebrate along with you, it shows that all the fund raising and science is making progress. I truly hope that you will continue to celebrate your cancerversary, along with the other survivors. It also gives those that are just beginning their fight there is Hope.

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  2. ggj,

    Thank you so much! I will always celebrate, in whatever badass and awesome way that I can! If I can make a difference for just one person in this world, then I will have lead a very full life indeed!

    Keep on truckin'!

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