Sunday, 16 October 2011

You Done Got Owned Son!

I want to be Jason Statham. Or at least the female equivalent to Jason Statham. Seriously, he is so badass. Not only was he an Olympic Diver, but he was also in the SAS (stands for Special Air Service, part of the United Kingdom Special Forces). He knows all types of martial arts type moves, and gets to use guns, with silencers. Not to mention that the man can dodge a bullet, literally. Also, I should mention that I would love to drive a really really fast car. Seriously. I already have a bit of a love of driving fast (but really, I drive the speed limit all the time mum, I swear), although, I will admit, I am a much better driver than I used to be. But that Audi that he drives in the Transporter movies? Ya, I want to drive that car. Not that I don't love my little car (I also really love that the name of my car is a palindrome), and as good as my 155 horse power engine is, I think driving that car would be amazing. Jason Statham has it all. I don't really know who the female equivalent is. Maybe Maggie Q, who plays Nikita. She's pretty badass, not to mention I would also like to have her hair and shoe collection...that would be amazing. I think the only thing I could do without would be getting the crap kicked out of me on a regular basis. I think my size would make most fights pretty unfair, and both Jason's and Maggie's opponents tend to be rather large. Maybe I just think it would be sweet to be a spy or something in that career category. I think I would make a great spy! If CSIS ever needed someone to infiltrate a high school I would be a perfect candidate! I still look like I'm 17! Plus, there is the added perk of getting to use all those high tech gadgets!

If I had the same badass, ninja skills that Jason and Maggie have, I would never again have to deal with the fear of being alone in my own house after watching Criminal Minds. Think about it. If there was some kind of homicidal maniac breaking into your house with the aim of killing you and then mangling your body, you would totally be able to take them down, and you would be a hero because most likely they have killed thousands of other people. You will have saved the world from excessive stabbing! This just makes me wish I had paid more attention in that self defense class my mother made me take when I was like 12. At least that way I would have gained some useful life skills, that maybe would be able to aid me in changing my own tire (seeing as how I would have some serious strength from being such a badass), and would give me an edge if I ever get into a bar fight. Also I think having those skills will aid me in my plans to take over Russia. Just saying.

Watch your backs!


P.S. Thanks to Jeff for being the catalyst!


  1. Hah! Good to know ninja techniques!
    Luv your writing style by the way

  2. LenoreNeverMore,

    Why thank you! That is so very kind of you! I checked out your blog, and I find it to be quite wonderful indeed!

    Also, in case you happen to know of a ninja for hire, who could teach me to be a badass, let me know!