Thursday, 10 November 2011

A High Probability of Failure


So, it's a long weekend. Thanks U of A for taking my money and then giving me days off. Sure you have the highest amount of teaching days in the country but that's beside the point. I guess I really shouldn't be complaining. I mean, they did give students an extra day off so we don't all go kill ourselves before our papers are due and finals creep up. But still. At least if I were at school I wouldn't be tempted to procrastinate and do things other than being a real, responsible adult.

That being said, I would like nothing more than to sit around all day being fantastic. Unfortunately, I can't. I will instead have to be content with doing about a million things, and being fantastic. But let's be serious, I'm always fantastic. I wish it was December 20. If it were December 20, I would be done finals, all my papers would have been handed in, and "LSAT: Round Two" (it sounds more badass than it really is) would be over. Oh right, I forgot to mention that I am indeed writing it again. I want scholarships, mostly because I like getting money for doing absolutely nothing, and in order to do that, my score has to be the teensiest bit higher. Plus, it's not like writing it again is detrimental. But I digress...

Long weekends are like a treat. The kind that leaves you sick and feeling fat...kind of like if you ate an entire pie to yourself, and then washed it down with a pint of ice cream. They trick you into thinking that you have all this free time, because everyone has a day off, and all the good malls close early. You feel as if you can slack off and that you have all the time in the world to get your shit done. At the start of a long weekend you feel basically invincible and badass, throwing time away like nobodies business. But then you hit the latter half of the long weekend you start to feel guilty about everything you said you were going to accomplish but didn't. And then the day before the long weekend is over, you start to panic and freak out, frantically racking your brain for ways to keep yourself awake so you can finish whatever it is that needs to be done, and so you don't fail at life, all the while questioning where the hell all that time you thought you had went. This is kind of why I am glad that I am (still) a student. I can have moments of free time, but at the end of the day, I have way to much shit to accomplish and not enough hours in the day. Having free time again, would be great. Well kind of. I tend to do really stupid things, that I may or may not regret, when I have free time on my hands. Most of the time my conscience tells me not to do something (I am currently conflicted, and I most definitely see myself doing something that I may come to regret, and that might make me cry in the not so distant future), but I ignore it, mostly because I like instant gratification, and do stupid things anyway. These things usually end with me saying "let's pretend this never happened", or alternatively, "let's never speak of this again", or better yet, "it's best when you're not talking". This is another reason why I plan on keeping myself busy all long weekend, and trying to get shit done. It makes life less awkward for me, and I have less guilt, which I am all for. I will say this though, there is a high probability that I will fail miserably at both getting shit done, and at listening to that inner voice. I'm not sure how I feel about this.

Sometimes I think all my problems and issues could be solved in the span of one long weekend. Then I realize that I have way to many problems and issues, that most likely won't even be fixed by therapy. But a girl can hope right?

xoxo
Leah

1 comment:

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