Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Leah's List of Grievences, Part I: Do This and I'll Cut You

Those of you who know me on a personal level, as in, you have met me at least once, and I haven't scared you away yet (I blame my height for my quirks, it just happens), you know that I have a tendency to be very outspoken about the little things that bother me. And let's be serious, there are quite a few. Call it a result of my obsessive compulsive personality, but the little things bother me more than most people, and seeing people do these things on an almost constant basis makes me want to do violence with golf clubs. Because it's that time of the year when I am extra irritable, also known as the end of the semester when all my shit is due, these things bother me more than usual. And now I am going to share what some of those things are so you can all be sure to avoid committing these atrocities in my presence, and to prevent me from having to cut you thug style.

1. People who have no clue what they are doing in an exercise class: these people drive me crazy. I will say kudos to you for getting out there and trying to be healthy, but don't 'drop in' to my class, and proceed to fall all over the place. I do Pilates. I have been doing it for years, and as a result I am in a fairly advanced level class. One of my biggest pet peeves are people who just want to 'drop in' and come to this class when they clearly don't have the skill level required. Case in point, at this weeks class there was a woman, whom I have never seen before in all the time I have been taking this exact class at this exact time (which is probably around 4 years) and it was a ball class. That means balance. Normally I sympathize with people who don't have very good balance, being a walking disaster myself most days, but this woman! Good lord! She was one hot mess, falling everywhere, her ball rolling into me, and don't even get me started on her form. This meant that instead of teaching the class, the instructor spent most of her time trying to fix this woman. Maddening. And instead of being all relaxed and energized and happy from pilates I walked away more irritated than I was before I started the class, because her presence was just so damn annoying!

2. Old people drivers: Let me say this, I honestly believe that people over the age of 75 need to take a yearly road test to make sure that they are still capable of traveling the speed limit, and can actually see over the steering well, and who can still shoulder check. As a tiny person myself, I know for a fact that there are things that you can do to help you see over the steering wheel. Hell, in my very first car, I sat on a pillow. Nothing drives me crazier than when you are rolling along, at a nice speed in the left hand lane, and then BAM! An old person is driving at least 20 under the speed limit. And they don't move into the right lane. And then you get someone in the right lane who paces the old person in the left lane making it impossible to pass. I get that things happen when you get old. You have a harder time seeing, and your sense of balance is all wonky so you think that you are traveling at a good pace, when really, you and your car from the dawn of time, are crawling. If there were road tests my road rage would be minimized, making the roads safer for everyone.

3. People who walk really slow: If you are, or have ever been a university student, you know the people of which I speak. Those really super slow walkers, who are often texting on their phones. I am all for multitasking, but if multitasking is taking more time than it is saving you, don't do it. Do yourself a favour and walk like a normal person. Nothing infuriates me more than having to rush from one side of the campus to the other in 5 minutes, and then finding myself stuck behind people who are just casually strolling around. Do you not have class to get to? Are you physically incapable of walking a speed slightly faster than molasses? I also get irritated with slow walkers at the mall. The ones who bring their infants, in their strollers, who then walk 5 abreast, really really slowly. By all means, walk at a glacial pace! I love it! And by love it, I mean I hate it. Do us all a favour, and walk faster dammit! If you find that walking is a challenge, I suggest you practice on a treadmill before unleashing your sluggishness on the world. Sloth is a sin you know...

4. When people touch my shit: I have a system. I call it organized chaos. I know where all my stuff is, because I have organized it in what looks like a disorderly fashion. When people come by and touch my things, moving them around, I lose it. Hours of research mixed in willy nilly! It brings me to tears almost every time it happens. Also, don't touch my cell phone. If I haven't given you permission to do so, don't touch it. I will break your fingers.

These are just the tip of the iceberg of things that bother me. Like I said, the time of year means that I get very irritated, very quickly. Also, this post was conceived because I am procrastinating. I have a paper to finish. On the plus side, I get to say 'bastard' as many times as I want. And that's why I love history.

The End



  1. Yikes, stressed much?

    I agree with the driving thing. If you come to my part of the world people in their 70's + actually have to take a test to renew their driving license. My state also gives illegal aliens drivers licenses, but that's a whole other topic. Complex the way of life here in the US. So freaking confusing...

    I feel like I comment on everything and I'm sorry if I annoy you.
    It's just that your brain functions a lot like mine and I always have to have some sort of input for some reason. Thank you for blogging though.

  2. My Dearest Sparks,

    By all means, comment away! it is far from annoying. It actually gives me further opportunity to congratulate myself at being awesome, because that means that at least one person has read my blog! I do enjoy when other people actually understand the weird, and slightly twisted, and often inappropriate thoughts that run through my mind. I wish more people commented, but I think I may have frightened them away. So you're very welcome for blogging! Thank you for commenting.

    Also, your comments mean that I get to not write my paper some it's win-win?

    And way to go wherever you live in the States! Your state gets a gold star for the driving test thing!