Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Noli Me Tangere

 This is the first time I ever met Chad...please notice how terrified I look...I clearly do not enjoy this. And yet, it inevitably always happens when Chad is's a good thing he is one of my favourite people...

I have this thing where I really don't like it when people I don't know touch me. It's just creepy and it makes me want to take a shower. I feel the same way when I go to Value Village, which is once in a blue moon. I actually want to bathe in Purell when I leave Value Village. If, for some unknown reason I do have to go in, I keep my hands either in my pockets, or clasped together in front of me, so I don't accidentally touch anything and contract some disease or parasite. Again, I feel the same way when people I don't know touch me. I think it's the germaphobe in me. It's one of the reasons why I don't like going to bars/clubs, because they are inevitably packed with drunk, spilly people, who more often than not, like to come up to me and tell me how cute and miniature sized I am (No joke. I was out for a friends birthday and some random, very drunk guy, came up to me, and started hugging me saying that I was the tiniest and cutest girl in the bar. I actually had to fight the reaction to knee him in the groin, as he continued in this vein of conversation while breathing on me. It was horrible.). Usually this is followed by threats of bodily harm and lots of profanity coming out of my mouth. Just because you are drunk, does not mean it is acceptable to throw away every single thing you have ever learned about the concept of personal space. I most certainly do not enjoy smelling your beer breath, so please, keep your hands to yourself.

It's because of this intense dislike of being touched that I developed one of my greatest fears: theme park mascots...well, mascots of any kind. Seriously, they are so incredibly creepy. They always want to hug and touch, and when they do seize you in their satanic and diabolical clutches, they are so warm, and slightly damp and it's so gross. It seriously creeps me out. I will run in the opposite direction, very quickly when I see one. I will yell at it, and if that fails, much like with drunk bar people, I will utter threats of bodily harm and violence with golf clubs. I just can't help it. The fight or flight response is just too great for me to try and ignore.

I will say this though, once I get to know a person, I am good to go and totally love to give hugs, and won't (often) threaten people who do decide to touch me. Also, I have no problem shaking someone's hand...well, almost no problem. Again, germaphobe. I think this whole post came about because a friend and I were talking about getting a massage. I just think the whole concept of getting a massage by some strange person is so disgusting. I mean, you're very vulnerable, and then there is the whole massage process itself, the thought of which is nauseating.  I just can't bring myself to go. I have heard from so many people how wonderful they are, but instead of picturing a relaxing treat, all I can think of is how some strange person would be touching me, and I am the farthest thing from relaxed. It actually makes me shudder and cringe in terror.

I think I need therapy...



  1. Too cute! I have Purell everywhere as well, even one bottle in my car! haha...

  2. It's good to know that I am not alone in this!!! Seriously, I should buy stocks in Purell, seeing as how I am constantly using it!