Saturday, 31 December 2011

New Years Resoultions, Or, I Am Yet Again Lying to Myself



New Years is always an interesting time for me. I know I am not alone in that I reflect on everything that has happened to me or that I have done over the past year. I don't generally like this though because when I get reflective, I end up crying. To me New Years is just an excuse to party and celebrate the fact that you are going to be dealing with the same shit as the year before. It all just carries over and there is nothing you can do about it. It would be wonderful if you could just wipe the slate clean and start fresh, but more often than not, life doesn't work like that. You still have the same broken heart/loans/job/life/whatever problems that you did the year before. The only difference is that the numbers at the end of 2011 changed to 2012.

I don't do New Years Resolutions. I quite personally think they are stupid. It's like lying to yourself for 365 days, until you make the same or new resolutions and start the vicious cycle of failure all over again. I just think they are an exercise in futility. People always promise themselves or other people that they are going to do something or really change, and it always ends in disappointment. Sure you could promise yourself that you are going to go to the gym at least 3 times a week, but at the end of the day, you don't. Life gets in the way, and those 10 lbs that you wanted to lose end up sticking around, forcing you to go buy new clothes. Or you could resolve to be a nicer, better person. I've done this one countless times, and each and every year, I look back and decide that I failed because I am still the same sarcastic asshole I was the year before. The only change I have made is to become more cynical than I was the year before. I think what all comes down to is change. People don't like change. I don't like change. It throws my nice controlled world upside down. I think that's why New Years resolutions always fail. It's because people are unwilling to change. Sure it sounds like a great idea, being a nicer, thinner, smarter, whatever person, but at the end of the day, people lack the motivation and are too afraid of changing to really do anything about it. I myself am guilty of this. It really takes a lot for me to sit back and think about changing, and even then, I resist it at ever turn. That's why New Years resolutions are dumb. They set people up for failure, and just make people feel bad about themselves. That's why I say screw it, and carry on as I always have, being the same sort of cynical, slightly sarcastic, outspoken person I have been since 1985 (or at least until I started talking).

However, if I was forced at gunpoint, or by a ninja with nunchucks, to make some kind of resolution, or promise to myself that I will inevitably end up breaking, it would be to say no. I will/would try to say no to more people, and do things for myself, rather than worrying that I am going to disappoint people. I won't be so quick to make promises that end up with me being exhausted because there aren't enough hours in the day to get done everything I have set out to do. I am going to take more time for me and say screw it to everyone else. At the end of the day, I am all I have. It may sound selfish, but I am sure that anyone else out there who tries to be everything for everyone, you understand. I am an 'all or nothing' kind of girl. There is no in between. I give 100% of myself, or none. So I am going to start giving less of myself to other people and more of myself to me. It's the best I can do in terms of a 'resolution'.

Now that the melancholy has passed here are some of my favourite things/moments of 2011:

Best Albums:
1. Seeds by Hey Rosetta!
2. Oh Fortune by Dan Mangan
3.Mylo Xyloto by Coldplay
4. Paris or India by The Midway State
5.Moonfire by Boy & Bear

Best Books:
1) The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
2) Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang by Chelsea Handler
3) Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (and Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling

Top Moments for Me:
1) Being told I was cancer free
2) Writing the LSAT and trying to figure out my, albeit uncertain, future
3) Getting published not only in an academic journal, but also for work
4) One moment on Maui, watching the sunset and the turtles, with someone very special
5) Sunset over LA from the Getty Museum after walking through a 17th century Paris exhibit

I don't know what 2012 holds for me or for anyone really. The best I can do is remain cautiously optimistic (which is quite a change from cynical realism). Despite the fact that I have mixed feelings about New Years, I wish everyone an incredibly memorable and awesome New Years. I also really hope that the world doesn't end. That would totally suck.




Happy New Years friends!

xoxo
Leah

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