Sunday, 4 March 2012

Stop Being Assholes and Tell Me Already Dammit!

Patience is a virtue. Unfortunately, it's not a virtue that I possess. I have tried time and time again to be a more patient person, to let things happen organically and in their own time, but have always failed. I think this is also why I don't really like cooking. I don't like to wait for things to cook or bake. I just want them to be done right away. I know that sometimes you just have to wait, but that doesn't mean that I don't hate it with every fiber of my being. And right now, I am currently involved in one of the biggest waiting games of my life. I am waiting to find out if any of the law schools that I have applied to want to actually accept me into their programs and will eventually give me a law degree.

The fact that I might one day hold a law degree is frightening enough. Anyone who knows me, or who has ever met for more than 5 minutes knows that I am a naturally confrontational person. I love arguing and yelling at people. In fact, yelling at people gives me so much joy that I often embarrass my family when out in public, because I will yell at complete strangers when I see them acting like complete assholes. And waiting to find out if I have been accepted puts me in an especially cranky, stressed out mood, which means that I am more likely to yell at everyone around me for the silliest things. I just don't understand the logic behind making an application deadline November/December 1 and then not putting out the offers/rejections until March/April. One of the schools that I applied to doesn't start sending out letters until June! How am I supposed to figure out my life in such a short amount of time?! Almost all the schools that I applied to are out of province, and some are even overseas. I can't just pick up my life in the span of a month and relocate in such a short amount of time! I like to plan and have an idea of what's going to happen! I don't do well with short notice like that. My type A personality and my need to have my life ordered makes rapid change very difficult for me, and the the cruel bastards on admissions committees think it's totally okay!

It just doesn't make sense. To me, it's just common courtesy to let people know, and not leave them with all the uncertainty hanging over their heads. That's plain cruel, because as I wait, I am filled with self doubts: maybe I'm not smart enough, or good enough to get in, which means that I will have no future whatsoever and end up being homeless, living in a cardboard box, relying on the kindness of strangers who are smarter and better at life than me. Maybe I will amount to nothing and I will fail to make a difference in the world. Maybe...maybe, I will have to resort to plans B or C, which aren't actual plans because they don't actually exist!

To me, it's just cruel to make people wait like that; to make people question their worth. Waiting like this for someone like me, who has very little patience, is absolute torture. It's terrible, but there is nothing that I can do about it. So, if I yell at you, or snap at you, I'm sorry. It's the only way I know how to deal with all this uncertainty. In the meantime, while I wait for admissions decisions, I am going to practice my lawyering skills and try to convince my family to get a puppy. I can can be pretty persuasive when I want to be. And I really really want a puppy.



xoxo
Leah

2 comments:

  1. At all costs, I will attempt to keep the peace because once my buttons are pushed, there is no stopping me until I have left someone crying. Then I feel bad, and start to cry with them.

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  2. Well then you are a better person than I am! When people start crying my first response is usually "hey hey hey, no one likes a cry baby". I've used it several times, and sometimes on children. You'd be surprised with how fast it actually makes people stop crying!

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