Monday, 23 April 2012

Muesday: Aloha B*tches

 Hiding from the sun at the pool

Aloha b*tches! I write this to you while sitting poolside, simultaneously hiding from the sun under a giant floppy hat and trying to get a tan, at the lovely Fairmont Kea Lani on the gorgeous Hawaiian island of Maui, and it's pretty fanfreakingtastic. Hawaii is kind of like a home away from home. It's the place I like to go when I need to get away from it all, and it really helps that my family also loves Hawaii, which means that I get a free vacation. I am trying desperately to be a darker shade of pale, but my sun allergy makes it an interesting, and by interesting I mean, painful endeavor. But I am determined to get a tan! I have to prove a couple people wrong who don't think I can actually be a shade other than snow white.

One of the things I love about Maui is that it's a virtual smorgasbord of judgment. We all know that I love to people watch, and judge people, and Maui is like a constant feast! Yesterday was probably one of the best days I've ever had in terms of people watching. I was sitting by the pool, simultaneously hiding from the sun and trying to get a tan, when this woman, who had to have been in her mid-60's and morbidly obese, show up at the pool in a neon yellow bikini...with titty tassels. I kid you not, her boobs had fringe. It was hilarious. I wish I had someone with me to share it with, however, my sister doesn't arrive for another 2 days, so I will have to wait.

I've also decided that I am going to bring Muesday to you a day early. Yes, I know it's not Tuesday, but being in paradise is hard work, and the time difference is really starting to fuck with me. It's a 4 hour time difference, so while it is 2pm back home, it's only 10am here, and that means that I often have no clue what time it actually is. That and the complete lack of clocks. Not joking. There are literally no clocks to be had. Anyway, because I don't want anyone to start having abandonment issues, today I am going to share with you a lovely song called New Earth by Edmonton band Zerbin. I love local talent, and these guys just so happen to be a bit more local than usual. So please support their musical endeavors! Go to itunes and purchase their album Of Fools and Gold. I promise you won't be disappointed!

Also, for all my Alberta friends out there, make sure you go out and vote today! Go vote so the Wildrose party doesn't come into power. Go and exercise your democratic right! Do it now, do it now, do it now!


1 comment:

  1. Lucky. Please tell me you will be posting loads of pictures soon. I want fat balding men. I want women with moo moos.