Sunday, 1 September 2013

Ikea, the Place Couples Go When They Want to Break Up

I am a firm believer that Ikea was created as a form of gladiatorial games. Except, instead of having some poor, brawny savage (at least according to ancient Roman standards), pitted against another poor brawny savage, slave or criminal, or against a lion, it's for couples. Ikea was designed as a really sick, sadistic form of couples therapy, and I 100% believe that this form of relationship Darwinism either makes you stronger or makes you want to kill one another.

My Gentleman recently acquired a lovely little place. It's quite nice and I like it. However,  he needed new everything. New dishes, a new television, and new furniture. So, being price conscious 21st century kids, we went to Ikea. Now I don't live with him, and I fully understand that it was his money we were spending, but I wasn't about to let him go by himself and pick out something completely god awful. No, my input was required. So off we went. On a good day, I only get mildly irritated by Ikea and their whole concept of herding people through their entire, ginormous store like cattle. My trips there are quick and dirty, in and out in no time at all. But this trip was not like that. We actually had to look at things and compare them to one another. One of the things about Ikea is that they try to make their customers as self sufficient as possible. This is either a really smart idea, or a really bad one. I'm going with a bad one. They try to make it as idiot proof as possible. The tell you where you can go to pick up your 12 million boxes, they give you handy instructions on how to put it together, but, and here's the kicker, they only give you instructions in pictographs. It's a good thing I minored in classics and have at least some experience with hieroglyphs. If I'd had known that Ra and Horus were going to show up on Ikea assembly instructions I would have studied epigraphy instead of ancient art and architecture.

Once you finally manage to get all the pieces laid out in what you think is the right order, comes the gargantuan task of actually putting them all together . But then you are faced with the fact that there are either too many extra pieces or too little, which then leads to bickering between you and your significant other. You bicker because one of you always swear up and down that you know what you're doing and that in the box, there are exactly enough pieces needed to assemble it. So you sit back, and watch in amusement as he tries, in vain to put together whatever cheap piece of crap he has before him. But soon, the novelty of hearing the swearing and the look of frustration gets old, and you just want the whole ordeal to be over so you can get on with your lives. Then you step in proceed to help in whatever way you can. This is the point when the strength of your relationship is tested. Either it goes smoothly and the two of you can sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labours, or, you end up fighting about why it just won't work, and that crappy piece of furniture comes to symbolize you relationship. 

Luckily for me, my Gentleman and I managed to actually build several pieces of Ikea furniture, however, we pretend that it never happened.



  1. Leah... you're a blog machine! Still going strong.. this is so good. Loved it!

  2. Hi Leah.. just tried an experiment on your comment section... cuz I believe people would actually love to comment.. but don't know what to do. Or they think they have to have a google account profile yada yada and it's way too complicated! So it's just about education:-) If someone signs in as anonymous they don't need an account (but then you don't know who's chatting, not good maybe.) BUT if YOU comment on your own page first.. then people can simply click on the word COMMENT in the line right under your post and they circumvent all the tedious stuff. Just click... write... sign... share!! Cool no???