Friday, 23 March 2012

Bust A Move. Bust It I Say!

Holy shit. Tomorrow is 24 March 2012. Where did time go?! It seems like only yesterday that Brooke approached me and asked me to be a part of Alberta's first ever Bust A Move For Breast Health Fundraiser, and I agreed to make an ass of myself on various occasions all to raise breast cancer awareness. Seriously, yesterday it was October and the committee was sitting around the ACF provincial office boardroom discussing if we could get Richard Simmons to come out and teach us all how to Sweat to the Oldies. And tomorrow he will do just that. Tomorrow everyone's hard work, and loss of sanity will be paid off, because Bust A Move is here. I don't know about everyone else, but I can say that I am honestly so excited to look like a complete spaz as I attempt to do Zumba, hip hop and salsa. I have no problem embarrassing myself for a good cause, and this cause is really close to my new boobs! Needless to say I'm really excited!

If anyone is in the Edmonton area tomorrow, and are in the Northland's area, come on down and and Bust a Move with us! You might just get to see me probably fall over due to the fact that I am completely and utterly useless when it come to being coordinated. Maybe sign up for next year and get a glimpse of The Weight Saint himself. If anyone wants information or to donate, you can go to the Bust A Move - Edmonton website. In the meantime, if you want to see something awesome you can watch this video!

Side note: those are legit oncologists, pharmacists, doctors, and most, if not all of the staff from the Alberta Cancer foundation. Also, I'm the one who's trying and failing to to channel my inner Beyonce.

See you all tomorrow! I'll be the one in hot pink spandex!


Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Muesday: Amitabh Bachchan In the Warehouse With the Shovel

I need to just take a moment to discuss my newest obsession with Bollywood movies.

I'm taking a history in film class and it's all Indian cinema. And it's amazing! I basically get graded for watching and analyzing movies. At first I was worried, mostly because my experience with India has always been from a British colonial perspective. I viewed it as yet another example of how my beloved Brits screwed over their colonies (see Australia and that whole Palestine/Isreal situation for more examples). I knew virtually nothing about India beyond the fact that I love butter chicken and naan bread. But then my Indian history classes and Dr. Heath happened. And my world was turned upside down. While discovering that I am a little Saidian at heart, I also started a torrid love affair with Indian history and culture. It can make friends with my love affair with the 18th century. They'll be like mistresses, except not....maybe more like besties. They can be my backup friends for when early modern England is busy. Anyway, from my film class, I have developed a love of Indian cinema...and Shashi Kapoor. It's the hair! It doesn't matter that he always plays the mama's boy role. I love him! Well, I should say that I love him in the 60's and 70's (and for once I am not referring to the 1560's or 1570's). Seriously, he's kind of dreamy, and did I mention the hair! Also the fact that his career spanned 60 years is pretty impressive. And let's not forget Amitabh Bachchan. Seriously, the scene in Deewar when he takes on 6 thugs in the warehouse with the shovel and the ropes, all by himself!? If it were a game of Clue: Bollywood Edition, that scene would read like: Amitabh Bachchan in the warehouse with the shovel. The muscles! The fake fighting!? It doesn't get any better! I honestly don't think that I will be able to watch a Hollywood movie in the same way ever again. They will always be missing that certain level of ridiculousness that Bollywood movies have. Not to mention the singing and the dancing and the clothes! Don't even get me started on the clothes! I have to say that the costumes from the movies made in the '60's and '70's are just phenomenal! The hair and the colours and the mixing of Western dress and Indian dress is masterful! I am so excited to watch Sholay this week! Apparently it's an Indian Western, and probably has the worlds best movie villain of all time EVER! I seriously recommend that everyone goes and watches an Indian film! Maybe something with any of the Kapoors, Dev Anand, Nargis, or Amitabh Bachchan.

So, I have loved Washington for a long time. And no, I don't mean Washington, D.C. or George Washington, or George Washington Carver (and they are NOT the same person. But Washington, as in Megan Washinton, who is from Australia. I particularly love her song Holy Moses off her album I Believe You Liar. Also, it has a Kazoo! How could you not love it! So enjoy Holy Moses by Washington! Hopefully it will but a little dance into your Tuesday!


Thursday, 15 March 2012

Who Needs Leprechauns When You Can Get Excessive Stabbing!?

Et tu, Brute? (I knew taking Latin would come in handy! Win!)

Happy Ides of March everyone!

Who cares about leprechauns when the Ides of March has knives...and excessive amounts of stabbing! I seriously think that makes the Ides of March a waaaaaay better kind of holiday! Shakespeare talked about it in Julius Caesar. The Senate killed the actual Julius Caesar in 44 B.C. prompting a war and all sorts of other historic like events, AND most recently, George Clooney, the original Dr. McDreamy starred in a movie that payed homage to the Ides in its title. Does it get any better than that?! I honestly don't think so! All St. Patrick's Day is, is an excuse to drink green beer (gross), get wasted and have some highly undesirable neanderthal hit on you. Unless you're actually Irish, you look like a complete ass celebrating St. Patrick's day. Also, that green dye that they add to milkshakes and beer? That can't be good for you. If given the choice, I'd take a pivotal moment in Roman and World history over a day filled with imaginary miniature people and rainbows and pots of gold. Leprechaun's don't exist. They have never existed and they will never exist...unless in your drunken stupor you decide that taking acid/mushrooms or any other kind of hallucinogenic drug is a good idea. Then you might see one. Or you might also see one if you live here:

So, if you're going to celebrate, make sure you have your 'ancient' leprechaun flute that looks suspiciously like a lead pipe and hip-waders that 'ward off spells' this St. Patrick's day.


Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Muesday: This One Time, at Band Camp

I was a band geek. I'm not really that ashamed to admit it. Make fun of me all you want. I really don't care. I love music and I love the fact that I can play a couple different instruments. It makes me feel better about the fact that I can't play the piano or the guitar. I gave up on piano at a young age because I hated my piano teacher. She was all like "you have to practice otherwise I'm not giving you this smelly/fuzzy/sparkly sticker". As a child who loved to collect, and who had an extensive sticker collection, that was the breaking point. Also, I like to be good at things right away, and the piano was not something I was very good at. But I more than made up for my lack of talent by being good at other things. I think the ability to play music is crucial to living. Band is actually something that I miss. I don't miss having to be at school at 730 in the morning Monday-Friday, or having to stay after school 3 days of the week for jazz band. Yes, I was in both concert band and jazz band. I'm an overachiever, what can I say, but then again, you already knew that. I can play the clarinet, both the alto and the tenor saxophone, the flute and the piccolo. What I miss are those moments, when after you've been practicing for a while, and after the conductor has yelled at you time and time again for screwing up the count or missing the key change or a triplet, that everything just comes together. It's that moment when you know that all those random notes that look like a giant mess on the page have finally been put together in the proper way and have created something beautiful. I miss that. I miss creating that music. To be honest, I haven't picked up any of my instruments since high school. I still have my flute, but the others are all gone. I couldn't give that one up, mostly because it's really pretty, and was really expensive. I also can't get rid of it because I think I have a hoarding problem, at least that what I tell myself after I watch all those shows on TLC. It sits in my closet with my sheet music and songbooks, and is probably super out of tune.

This is probably why I tend to have to have a soft spot for music that features the instruments that I can play. Like today's music selection. I know I have already shared a song by Hey Ocean! that featured Shad, but today, I share with you a track off of the their new/upcoming album. It's called Islands and it's just so relaxing and beautiful. The harmonies are just perfect and the flute makes me smile. So enjoy!

Sorry that this was short. It's that time of year when life gets very hectic and I don't get a lot of sleep. Have a wonderful week! Happy Muesday!


Saturday, 10 March 2012

It's a Party and You're All Invited. I Hope No One Gets Shanked.

Have you ever been asked stupid questions like "if you could have dinner with any historical figure dead or alive who would it be and why"? As someone who basically breathes a combination of air and history (mostly history because you know, oxygen is way overrated), I've been asked this and similar questions on several occasions. And I hate it. What a completely stupid question that sets such narrow parameters! How can you choose just one!? I have a list of about a million historical figures that I would give my remaining breast to actually meet, you know, if you could actually have dinner with dead people.

I mean, why choose just one. Different figures would be able to teach you different things! High on my list would be Marie Antoinette, and I would finally get to the bottom of whether she actually said "Let them eat cake" (I personally find it hard to believe that she was such a vapid narcissist and actually believed that the starving, unwashed masses could a) find cake, and b )afford cake). I would want to talk to Henry VIII, mostly because he is my 2nd favourite ginger, and also because he was the perfect Renaissance prince in my humble opinion, and also because Tudor England is my historical happy place. I would want to talk to Napoleon, because he is my favourite miniature megalomaniac, and Maria Theresa to get all the juicy gossip on her hate and scorn filled feud with Frederick of Prussia, who would also be there, and who would also probably be a complete douche canoe. I would want to talk to Madame du Pompadour, and William of Orange, and Richard I and Eleanor of Aquitaine (I would also invite Sigmund Freud to be party to that conversation, mostly because I think it would be hilarious considering the huge Oedipal issues between Richard and his mum). If given the chance, I would have a chat with William Shakespeare and tell him that Juliet is probably the most annoying character ever written, with the exception of that twit Bella from those Twilight books. I'd talk to Marie Curie, and say thanks for all that work she did on radium and that it totally sucks that she died from it (and probably also started glowing, and not in the good way, because of it). Louis XIV would also have to be, because he was bad ass, and because he made red soled heels hot way before Christian Louboutin. Wallace Simpson and Edward would join us, because let's face, they'd at least be highly entertaining and super scandalous. Throw in a couple crazy dead philosophers like Nietzsche, Simone de Beauvoir and with a little Michel Foucault and Jeremy Bentham for good measure, and you've got yourself a party.

All these people and more would have to be there. As you can probably tell, it's next to impossible to choose just one, and obviously, you'd have to be a little unhinged to want to actually sit down with any of these people. But we all know that I am far from normal. Think of all the awesome corrections and contributions to the study of history you could make! And let's face it, that would be one kick ass party. Granted, you would have to make sure people don't shank each other between courses.

I know, I'm weird. Deal with it.


Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Muesday: If I Had a Million Dollars...

I would totally love to win the lottery. Life would be so much easier, and I wouldn't have to worry about being funemployed. If I had $500 million dollars, I would work for fun, not because I had to. I would also probably spend the rest of my life in school just accumulating a shit ton of degrees. I was watching the news while eating dinner, and some woman in Rhode Island won $336.4 million dollars. She is 81. I say good for her. I also say that I somehow need to make friends with her so she leaves me money in her will. I am perfectly aware of how terrible I sound right now. Needless to say, funemployment is making me cranky. I enjoy pretty things far too much to be funemployed. I could do so much good with all that money. I could make owning a dolphin as a pet legal. I could fund someone to find a cure for cancer. I could feed starving children. I would buy Anthropologie and look cute ALL THE TIME. I could even make my dream of a unicorn covered in chocolate and diamonds real! Sorry, I'm whiny. #whitegirlproblems

On to Muesday...

I have a thing for covers. I love them. I just can't help myself. It's like my obsession with bad television. If I hear a cover of a song that I like, I'm all over it...unless it's a cover of a band that someone has no right covering, like Coldplay, or Paramore (which also happen to be be two of my favourite bands). There are just some artists that people should never try to copy. Take the American Idol contestants. There are artists that they should never sing. Like Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Alicia Keys, Adele, Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. Those ladies have some serious talent, I mean, they are platinum selling artists for a reason, and you clearly are not. If someone wants to try to sing one of their songs, you should know right off the bat that you are probably going to fail on a scale of epic proportions. You should have the foresight to realize that it's a bad life choice. But I do enjoy it when the American Idol contestants sing a song like Rolling in the Deep, do a sub-par job and are then surprised that they were voted off. It shouldn't come as a surprise you moron. Anyway, back to my original point. I like a good cover, and usually, some of my favourite, not top 40 artists, take a crappy top 40 song and turn it into something magical. So, this week, I am sharing some covers with you all. The first is buy they great folk/singer/songwriter artist Lissie. It's from her small EP Covered Up With Flowers. Her cover of Kid Cudi's Pursuit of Happiness just makes me so happy. Also the fact that she announces that she is shooting tequila before singing givers her serious points in my books. Also, she takes it like a champ, straight from the bottle. So, enjoy Pursuit of Happiness by Lissie

The second cover that I am sharing with all you fantastic people today is a cover of T.I.'s Whatever You Like by Anya Marina. You can also hear Anya Marina on the newest Twilight soundtrack with her song Satellite Heart. I've said it once, and I'll say it again. The Twilight movies are painful, but they do put out some awesome soundtracks.

Happy Muesday!


Sunday, 4 March 2012

Stop Being Assholes and Tell Me Already Dammit!

Patience is a virtue. Unfortunately, it's not a virtue that I possess. I have tried time and time again to be a more patient person, to let things happen organically and in their own time, but have always failed. I think this is also why I don't really like cooking. I don't like to wait for things to cook or bake. I just want them to be done right away. I know that sometimes you just have to wait, but that doesn't mean that I don't hate it with every fiber of my being. And right now, I am currently involved in one of the biggest waiting games of my life. I am waiting to find out if any of the law schools that I have applied to want to actually accept me into their programs and will eventually give me a law degree.

The fact that I might one day hold a law degree is frightening enough. Anyone who knows me, or who has ever met for more than 5 minutes knows that I am a naturally confrontational person. I love arguing and yelling at people. In fact, yelling at people gives me so much joy that I often embarrass my family when out in public, because I will yell at complete strangers when I see them acting like complete assholes. And waiting to find out if I have been accepted puts me in an especially cranky, stressed out mood, which means that I am more likely to yell at everyone around me for the silliest things. I just don't understand the logic behind making an application deadline November/December 1 and then not putting out the offers/rejections until March/April. One of the schools that I applied to doesn't start sending out letters until June! How am I supposed to figure out my life in such a short amount of time?! Almost all the schools that I applied to are out of province, and some are even overseas. I can't just pick up my life in the span of a month and relocate in such a short amount of time! I like to plan and have an idea of what's going to happen! I don't do well with short notice like that. My type A personality and my need to have my life ordered makes rapid change very difficult for me, and the the cruel bastards on admissions committees think it's totally okay!

It just doesn't make sense. To me, it's just common courtesy to let people know, and not leave them with all the uncertainty hanging over their heads. That's plain cruel, because as I wait, I am filled with self doubts: maybe I'm not smart enough, or good enough to get in, which means that I will have no future whatsoever and end up being homeless, living in a cardboard box, relying on the kindness of strangers who are smarter and better at life than me. Maybe I will amount to nothing and I will fail to make a difference in the world. Maybe...maybe, I will have to resort to plans B or C, which aren't actual plans because they don't actually exist!

To me, it's just cruel to make people wait like that; to make people question their worth. Waiting like this for someone like me, who has very little patience, is absolute torture. It's terrible, but there is nothing that I can do about it. So, if I yell at you, or snap at you, I'm sorry. It's the only way I know how to deal with all this uncertainty. In the meantime, while I wait for admissions decisions, I am going to practice my lawyering skills and try to convince my family to get a puppy. I can can be pretty persuasive when I want to be. And I really really want a puppy.