Monday, 23 April 2012

Muesday: Aloha B*tches

 Hiding from the sun at the pool

Aloha b*tches! I write this to you while sitting poolside, simultaneously hiding from the sun under a giant floppy hat and trying to get a tan, at the lovely Fairmont Kea Lani on the gorgeous Hawaiian island of Maui, and it's pretty fanfreakingtastic. Hawaii is kind of like a home away from home. It's the place I like to go when I need to get away from it all, and it really helps that my family also loves Hawaii, which means that I get a free vacation. I am trying desperately to be a darker shade of pale, but my sun allergy makes it an interesting, and by interesting I mean, painful endeavor. But I am determined to get a tan! I have to prove a couple people wrong who don't think I can actually be a shade other than snow white.

One of the things I love about Maui is that it's a virtual smorgasbord of judgment. We all know that I love to people watch, and judge people, and Maui is like a constant feast! Yesterday was probably one of the best days I've ever had in terms of people watching. I was sitting by the pool, simultaneously hiding from the sun and trying to get a tan, when this woman, who had to have been in her mid-60's and morbidly obese, show up at the pool in a neon yellow bikini...with titty tassels. I kid you not, her boobs had fringe. It was hilarious. I wish I had someone with me to share it with, however, my sister doesn't arrive for another 2 days, so I will have to wait.

I've also decided that I am going to bring Muesday to you a day early. Yes, I know it's not Tuesday, but being in paradise is hard work, and the time difference is really starting to fuck with me. It's a 4 hour time difference, so while it is 2pm back home, it's only 10am here, and that means that I often have no clue what time it actually is. That and the complete lack of clocks. Not joking. There are literally no clocks to be had. Anyway, because I don't want anyone to start having abandonment issues, today I am going to share with you a lovely song called New Earth by Edmonton band Zerbin. I love local talent, and these guys just so happen to be a bit more local than usual. So please support their musical endeavors! Go to itunes and purchase their album Of Fools and Gold. I promise you won't be disappointed!

Also, for all my Alberta friends out there, make sure you go out and vote today! Go vote so the Wildrose party doesn't come into power. Go and exercise your democratic right! Do it now, do it now, do it now!


Thursday, 19 April 2012

Don't Shush Me! I Will Cut You!

So, Blogger has a new layout. I hate it. And yes, I know that hate is very strong word, but I feel very strongly about this. Holy it's terrible. I bet the designers were all like "Yes! We are going to make this super awesome concise and compact and streamlined layout, and in the process make it super frustrating for people who, oh I don't know, actually blog, and who were perfectly fine with the way things were before. Who cares that it will enrage a tiny Canadian blogger named Leah and possibly scores of other bloggers around the world. We've got something great here!" I bet the people who designed the new layout are the very same sons of bitches that designed the god forsaken Facebook timeline. So not impressed right now.

Also, wonderful things continue to happen, and this one I can tell everyone about. I've been accepted to law London. Like London, England, not London, Ontario. It's exciting? Maybe? I'm actually not quite sure how I feel about this. It's the first offer that I've gotten, and I am still waiting on a bunch of other schools to give me their decisions. I kind of don't want to get too excited until that happens. I don't want to get my hopes up and make grand plans that might not actually come to fruitoin.

On another note, I went and exercised my democratic right today. I voted early. Mostly because I'm badass and because I am leaving the country on the actual voting day. I also almost got into a verbal fight with an old lady today. I kid you not. I'm standing in line, waiting to get my ballot, and there are about 6 people in front of me. My phone rings so I answered it and I'm chatting to my coach about signing papers to play outdoor this season, when some old broad walks past me and shushes me. She legit shushed me! I'm sorry, I didn't realize that voting was a silent endeavor. I said as much, loudly to the woman who handed me my ballot, and then the old woman had the nerve to say "there are signs that call for quiet" and shush me again. No one, who is without authority, shushes me. You're a freaking volunteer. You aren't getting paid for this gig. Settle down. You can also take your sign and shove it. If this were the early 20th century, voting would have been a noisy, rambunctious process, and there certainly wouldn't have been any freaking signs for silence. A riot probably would have broken out and the only signs would have been converted into shivs. I bet she and the giant stick up her ass are voting Wildrose. Danielle Smith is the Rick Santorum of Alberta politics.

Just so everyone knows, I'm writing this instead of studying for my final tomorrow. I think this is a very good life choice, although I might rethink that as I sit down to write a couple of essays in 3 hours. Anyway, thanks for letting me procrastinate.


Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Muesday: More Exclamation Marks! And Yelling!

I'm going to Coldplay tonight!!!!!!!! This merits about a million exclamation marks to convey my excitement...and yelling!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think I've been this excited since I met Hanson that one time!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!X however many more it takes to get to a million...

This occasion merits something awesome, and by something awesome, I mean my favourite Coldplay song. Please enjoy Shiver! I hope they play it tonight. If not, I might have cut someone, thug style...

Also, is it just me, or does Chris Martin look like he's about 12 in this video?! Seriously, he looks so young! Like fetus, young!

Anyway, you can all be appropriately jealous now!


Friday, 13 April 2012

May Your Friday the 13th Not Be Filled With Homicidal Maniacs

I had this really awesome post planned for tonight. It was funny and awesome, and possibly brilliant and insightful and for once didn't involve me whining about first-world-white-girl-problems. It was great and good to go as soon as I got a moment to get on the interweb. And then, for once in my life, I stopped and thought about what I was saying. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, even I am able to recognize that I should listen to my instincts. And the more that I thought, the more I came to the conclusion that a post like this awesome one, might be a little premature, and I don't want to jinx all the lovely and wonderful things that are happening right now. Also, I feel a little weird about sharing this part of my personal life with the world, but I'm sure that's just a passing phase..or indigestion. But, I promise that as soon as I feel that the world, or at least a small group of Russian are ready for it, I will share it with you.

Other than that, I really don't have all that much to say this evening. I'm working hard trying to finish up all the shit that was due today, that obviously wasn't done today, and my brain in kind of full. I'm beginning to think that sometimes it's a lot of work to know all the things. I think I need a pensieve like in Harry Potter. Actually I think Harry Potter just needs to be real. Maybe instead of law I'll get a letter to Hogwarts and become a badass wizard...

Anyway, I hope everyone had a good(?) Friday the 13th! Here's treat to get you through the weekend. It's my new favourite song to run to:


Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Muesday: Dear Homi Bhabha, You're a Pedantic Arse. That Is All

Shit, I'm supposed to come up with something awesome and witty and possibly brilliant, but I just can't. I've been reading this scholar, Homi Bhabha, and my mind is not working. Some academics turn to him because they see him as some kind of guru. I just see him as a long winded, pedantic arse who likes to hear the sound of his own voice/read his own shit. I am also having a problem with motivation. As in, I have none. I just can't seem to bring myself to care right now, which makes finishing the semester harder than you would think. Anyway, due to time constraints, lack of motivation, and general apathy, which is probably also the same thing as lack of motivation, I don't have anything brilliant, witty or awesome to share with you. But I do have an awesome little song called Little Pieces by Gomez. It's currently helping me get through the end of the semester, and also probably keeping me mostly sane. So enjoy.

Sorry I'm a bit of failure this week.


Sunday, 8 April 2012

Nothing Says Easter Like Breaking the Law

Happy Easter everyone! I hope everyone has eaten themselves into a chocolate induced coma, that isn't helped by the copious amounts of turkey, pie, and other goodies that you've all ingested! I am sad to say that we didn't have turkey this easter...but we did have turkey tacos, and it doesn't get much better than that! Seriously, I don't eat meat often, but I make an exception for my mum's turkey tacos. It was the best Easter ever!

In the spirit of Easter and the forgiving of sins,I have some confessions to make: I'm a hoarder of the academic variety. When I write papers, I basically go to the Rutherford Library, and take out absolutely everything ever written and that's kind of similar to the topic I am choosing to write on. What this means is that I usually have about 50 different books checked out per class, per semester. It also means that I typically pay hefty library fines. But, in hoarding all these books I am covering my bases. I get to learn all the things, because in my opinion, you can never learn too much. Plus, all the information that I glean from these books sometimes comes in handy at parties...or when I'm playing trivial pursuit. But hoarding all these books also means that I go absolutely insane when someone else decides that they want that book too, and recalls it. I have purposely kept books before, and taken the fine, rather than return it. I am well aware that this makes me a giant asshole, and that I am basically screwing someone else over in the process, but I don't care. It's a dog eat dog world in academia, and if you don't get to a source first then you snooze you lose. I do have those odd times when I am nice and return the book, but those times are few and far between, and usually has me weighing the pros and cons of breaking about 15 different copyright laws, which is what I am doing as we speak (or at least as I type this). Why anyone else would want some obscurely titled book is beyond me! Don't they know that I had the idea first, and by rights, the book should therefore be mine?! Again, I have an academic hoarding problem, and it's one that I somehow don't think I am going to kick any time soon.

Basically, my love of knowledge and books has pushed me to become a felon. Next thing you know, I'll be writing blog posts in some seedy motel while on the lam and hiding from the police.

I'm going to make a great lawyer one day....


Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Muesday: Things From My Childhood That Might Be Inappropriate

I remember the first time I saw American Pie. I was 13 and in hindsight, it was probably one of the most hilarious moments of my life. Let me set the stage for you:

It's 1999, people are worried about Y2K and all their electronics blowing up. Cell phones were ginormous, and didn't really have the ability to send text messages, and a whole slew of awesome music from TLC, Britney Spears and Sugar Ray topped the billboard charts. One day, my family decided to go to a movie. American Pie had just been released and I wanted to see it but unfortunately, I was too young to see it by myself (not to mention at 13 I looked like I was about 8, so that kind of hindered things). So, my parents get the genius idea to go to American a family. I was mortified. Here I was, sitting in a darkened theater with my 10 year old sister, and my 40 something parents, who are crying because they are laughing so hard. Just take a second and imagine how terrible this was for me. I had to sit there and watch Jim do unspeakable things to an apple pie, while sitting beside my parents. At the time, I just wanted to die from embarrassment, but now thinking back on it, that was probably one of the funniest moments of my life. It also shows me how cool my parents actually were/are. I don't really know of any other kids whose parents didn't really give them rules and a curfew, and who took them to see wildly inappropriate movies. And now that I'm older, all I want to do is go and see American Reunion with my family. It'd be like coming full circle, except I doubt I will be as embarrassed as I was when I was 13. Needless to say, I am super pumped about American Reunion! It has all the original cast members, and promises to be amazing!!!

So this past weekend, I went and saw Rose Cousin's live at The Haven Social Club here in Edmonton. She's this great singer/songwriter out of Halifax, and I have been a fan of her's for quite sometime. Actually come to think of it, I think the very first Muesday ever featured her song Edmonton. Anyway, the concert was amazing. Great company, and people watching galore along with great music was the recipe for the evening. Apart from listening to her beautiful voice sing songs off of her new album, I got to witness a man with an epic mullet slow clap to every single song, along with a really drunk old guy who decided that he wanted to have a private conversation with her, while she was on stage, AND a woman who was clearly not in the right frame of mind, swing around her discman...also, who still owns a discman?! Anyway, a good time was had by all. I was going to share with you a song off her new album called The Darkness, but in an epic battle with the internet, I couldn't find it share with you. Obviously, the internet won this battle, but I will eventually win the war. Instead, I am going to leave you hanging until such a time when I can find it and actually share it with you and instead share a lovely little song called Shiver by great French Canadian artist Caracol. She's really good and the whole album is just so chill. I can see many of the songs making it onto my upcoming summer playlist, which I might just share with you all because I am a generous person. So, enjoy!

Happy Muesday!


P.S. I know it's a little late this evening but I have been one hot mess since I woke up yesterday and thought it was Sunday and completely didn't show up for work, and then my whole day was thrown off which threw off my whole week, so do forgive me for my tardiness...

Sunday, 1 April 2012

I Talk A Lot of Shit About Insubstantial Things

Oh, I have been so neglectful of my little blog this week! I'm terrible I know, but I just have had no time. Life is quite busy, and that is either a very good thing or a very bad thing. Well, I suppose part of it has been very good, and part of is has been kind of stressful, for various reasons.

I realized something the other day. I called my blog "Lopsided: Life, Love, and Everything in Between", and while I talk a lot of shit about the things I love and don't love, I have never actually talked about love. It's strange. I have been in love, and I have been loved. But I don't ever talk about my previous relationships, and if I do, it's only in passing. I think it mostly stems from my belief that whatever happened is between me and that person. It's really no one's business. I don't talk about it out of respect for those people. I know for an absolute fact that I would hate to have certain parts of my personal life up on the internet for the whole world to see. It's different if I choose to share it. It's because of that that I just can't write about things like that kind of love. Plus, there are just some things that I can't talk about, so it's better if I don't even go there. It's also for that reason that I talk a lot of shit about pretty insubstantial things. It's actually a startling realization. That my blog is basically fluff. I don't have brilliant thoughts, although I may think that I am brilliant. Sometimes I can be witty, but more often than not I am whiny, and sometimes pretty judgmental. But then I realize, that's just me. I am who I am, quirks and all, and if people don't like it, well then, they don't have to read it. If you came here looking for brilliant insights into the meaning of life, or some inspirational bullshit from a cancer survivor, then I am going to go out on a limb and say that you've come to the wrong place. And if you've come here to read what are probably the deranged ramblings of a mid-twenty something history graduate who is still in the throes of an existential crisis, who likes pretty things and clever words, I say read on friends. Maybe you'll find something here that you can relate to. Maybe I have said some things that you think as well. Hopefully there is at least one thing here that will keep you coming back for more...

As long as you don't expect me to talk about'll probably be disappointed.